Ash Wednesday: On Actors and Roles

Ash Wednesday
Joel 2:1-2, 12-17    Psalm 103   2 Corinthians 5:20-6:10   Mt 6:1-6, 16-21

Jesus says ,"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be." The prophet Joel declares, "Even now, says the Lord, return to Me with all your heart...rend your hearts, not your garments. Return to the Lord..."

Our heart is our core identity, it is our True Self. Jesus says that our desires reveal our identity. It is not easy to know, however, what we really treasure and who we really are. We have all had the experience of saying "I do not know what I want." Self-knowledge is part of the path to God, it is at the center of our searching. I believe that this is why Jesus issues a warning about being "hypocrites" (the Greek word means 'actors' and by extension those who intentionally try to present themselves as better than they are). When Jesus says, "Beware," I don't think that this is a judgement, it is spiritual  instruction, an invitation "to be aware and pay attention." Jesus knows that every human is an actor playing many roles, so He wants us to be aware of the dangers involved.

From our earliest days we are told how to act, what to think, how to feel. No one truly loves us just the way we are. Those who love us most seek to change us most! There have always been demands that we perform according to expectations. We call it socialization, and it is necessary for children to be socialized, but make no mistake, socialization is learning to pretend. You don't like the food? Who cares, eat it and tell grandma "it tastes good." You don't like the gift? Doesn't matter, you are to smile and fake gratitude. There are rules for behavior and we learn early and often that authenticity has a limited place. We begin to create an "outer self" which we present to the world in order to deal with the conflicting demands. We focus on what others want us to be, and in the process lose awareness of who God created us to be.

Being socialized is not a bad thing, but it is "acting school." So we chose the roles which we would  play to get our needs met, or to avoid getting hurt. Others impose roles upon us--with rewards for compliance and punishment for failures. Our heart, the real core identity, puts on a persona (Greek word for actor's masks). The persona or ego, "Me," is expressed in a variety of "roles" or "identities" which the True Self, "I," generate to meet the demands of different settings with different people. The myriad labels which identify us are also "false selves." We are called brave, smart, ugly or useless and over identify with these descriptors. It is important to understand, the roles which we played were part of us, but they were also 'hypocrites'--acting. Over the passage of time, we lost touch with the I, the Image of God and True Self. Hurts and pains scar us and we shield our Self in roles. Success and pleasure reinforce pro-social roles. It is not that the "masks" have nothing to do with who we are, it is that they are a distortion. And the role of the subconscious and unconscious is vital here. That is what Jesus is warning us about. Being a faithful Jew--He mentions three Jewish practices (prayer, fasting, alms)--can be divorced from the heart, Jesus warns.  Anything can be twisted into an effort to manipulate approval. The most dangerous audience is the one within us! We must be aware of our motivation, especially when we are involved in the things of God. Jesus warns us, "Beloved children, if your goal is a performance for something other than union with God, then that is what you get." Jesus is really warning us, "Don't forget about God. Seek union with the Father in all you do."

Professional actors frequently get lost in the roles they play. We amateurs almost always get lost in the identities which we create. While it is good to act better than we really are, it becomes a problem  if we lose connection with our heart. When acting ceases to be a battle against the passions (sinful desires), then the  actor (Greek "hypocrites") is at risk of becoming 'hypocrital' or a sham. The tragedy is, unreflective people rarely recognize how often we are shams. We fool ourselves, even if we don't fool others.

The quest for truth includes determining what motivates us. The motivations for our "acting" vary from person to person. It is influenced by genes and environment, and the choices we make. There are some general categories, however. We seek to do it right or connect with others, to be successful or 'just be me'. We need information, security, excitement, control or peace. We all have predictable patterns because we are driven by particular guiding impulses, shaped by particular viewpoints and ruled by certain desires.

There is no way around it. In this world we are all hypocrites/actors. We must, however, become aware of the "persons" we are acting because the different roles we play impact our relationship with God. That's Jesus' point. We play the same games with Him that we play with others, because its the same game we play with ourselves. The journey into your own heart is not easy. Most of us have spent our much of our lives avoiding the truth about ourselves. Distractions, after all, are the central feature of modern life.

Jesus says that discipleship means carrying a cross. He said that we must die in order to live. The spiritual masters always make clear, it is the ego which must die, not the True Self (I). The ego is "me," the false selves "I" employ to negotiate my worries and fears, my doubts and wounds, my hungers and needs, and my sinful inclination and distance from God, self and others.

This is Lent, and it will end on Good Friday with Jesus on a cross. Jesus dies to become Who He is: Messiah, Savior, Son. He asks us to do the same. That's not something we can fake--we can't pretend to die to false selves. It has to be our heart's desire. If we treasure it then He will redeem our True Self and live in our heart. We will become one with Him. If we do the hard work then the  Holy Spirit will graciously make us our True Self. Forty days of discovering, living and dying. It begins now.